Aging Together

                                     I want to grow old with you

      I remember, so well, when this term was bandied about during our dating years.  Little did any of us know what it might entail.  It was a very romantic thing to say, but we never really thought about it as we ran along the road of young love.  Well, here I am growing old with my lifelong partner.  The romance has faded a bit, and I find this growing old together is really hard work.

     When we were young, we did things together just to be together.  Then we worked together to teach and prepare our children for their future.  In the meantime, we supported each other in our personal lives and careers.  This included many adventures moving around the country, flying to faraway lands, paddling canoes, sailing yachts and adjusting to many cultures along the way.  These experiences provided much joy and happiness; however, there were a few scary times which really helped to make the bond stronger.  Through the years, we learned to read each other and understand when one needed support or just needed to be left alone.

     Now, here we are in our golden years.  We are still together and clinging to each other for support.  Sometimes the clinging is too much, or the support may be too little or too encroaching.  Sometimes it is hard to determine what one wants or needs, compared to what is wanted or needed by the other person.  When we get up in the morning, we begin to read the signs for the day.  How quick is the footstep on the way to the bathroom?  How quick is there a “Good morning” and is there eye contact with it?  Is the tone of voice cheery or flat?  Are the eyes bright and alert or almost vacant? 

    These signals mark the tone for the day – fun-filled small adventures or quiet avoidance to prevent confrontation.  Which one of us must give or receive support for the day?

     If the results are positive, we can discuss what we might do together on our little adventures.  We may clean up the back porch, go shopping, try a new food for dinner, or talk about the new book one of us is reading.   

   

     When one of us has a bad day, the job for the other becomes more difficult.  Is this the time to just be available if needed or remind the partner of the things usually done to lift one’s spirits: go shopping, play bridge, poke around in the garden, or go for a walk?

     Heaven help us when we are both having a bad day!!  We just muddle through and hope the next day will be better for one of us.