Where Did All The Soft Music Go?

     I was never a great lover of music and did not sway to its rhythm.  Even though I took piano lessons for many years, I never had an ear for it.  I read the music or visualized it to play memory work that was assigned by my teacher.

Years ago music was live and close to home.

    Church hymns were my first introduction to music.  The songs were soft and soothing, and for me the words had meaning.  For years they were a comfort to me and enveloped me with a loving sound.     

     As I grew into my teens, I listened to the radio or went with my parents to the local church or town picnics where local bands played march music and patriotic songs, and the highlight of the evening was the cake walk.   Many a Sunday afternoon we drove to Himmelrich’s Grove to listen to a group of guitar players called Uncle Jack and Mary Lou.  Closer to home, my older brothers and their friends formed a musical group called the Schoeneck Mountaineers and would often practice in our living room. 

     The first records I remember were 78s that were played on a Victrola.  A hand crank provided energy to the turntable, the needle was set on the turning record, and, voila, we had music. In my teens, the 45s were the big thing. In fact, I think I still have a stack of them, or I have passed them on to one of my children. 

Delivery of music has changed through the years.

    Throughout the years there has been a constant change in the delivery of music.  There was the reel to reel tape, the cassette tape, the stereo 8 track, the 8 track cartridge, the CD, DVD and now the Blu-Ray, et al.  As the delivery changed, so did the music.  In my mind, it hasn’t changed for the better.    It has just gotten louder, more brash, vulgar and threatening.  The songs no longer seem to say anything and often consist of only a few words which are repeated over and over.  Soothing music has become harder to find.

    During the Christmas holidays, I do like to listen to Christmas carols.  However, last year I became so frustrated, I just turned off the new fangled device the children gave us. It has a name, and she is called Alexa.  According to directions, all I had to do was ask it to play the music I wanted to hear.  Well, asking it to play Christmas carols was not so simple.  The device asked me what type of music I wanted and by what artist?  I found there was Modern, Pop, Religious, Classic, Rock, R&B, etc.  There were many different Christmas albums available, but I did not recognize any of the artists.  

 Whatever happened to Bing Crosby, Perry Como and Neil Diamond?

     I finally decided to try an album of Classic Christmas music.  From where I stand Classic Christmas music sure has changed.  Jingle Bells has been Jazzed up.  White Christmas has been Rocked, and Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer has gone modern.

    I tried the TV music channels, and they were no better.

    Every day my world just seems to get smaller, and everywhere I go, I find very little that is familiar.

    I do have a small circle of friends and have a few activities that I do enjoy.  I find I am most comfortable in my home entertaining myself reading a book, cooking creatively in my kitchen, writing this blog or co-writing novels with my husband.  I do play duplicate bridge two to three times a week and enjoy shopping at Dillard’s department store every now and then.

   The trick to aging is to learn to be happy with what you have, add a little adventure here and there and keep in touch with old friends.

  

The Older Generation Begins the Big Retreat  

    Years ago, when I was working with the elderly, one of my goals was to help them become active in their community.  Even though they listened to me and smiled, I was unsuccessful.  I think I finally know why.

    I have now come face to face with the same problem.

 

     As we age, venturing into the community can be uncomfortable because everything has changed or is changing.  The music certainly has changed. The dress of the day seems to be too casual.  Many of the people around me appear to have no manners and show little respect for anything.  We, the elderly, seem to be pushed aside.  Our knowledge and what we know is no longer relevant.  

   This past Thanksgiving, we decided to treat ourselves to a fine dinner out.  We made reservations at what we believed was a fine restaurant with a menu of many dishes that whet our appetites.  I was really looking forward to this. Finally, I could get dressed up in some of my good clothes that have hung in the back of my closet for the last year, wear my fine jewelry and best of all, I did not have to cook and do dishes.  On Thanksgiving Day, we were dressed up in our Sunday best.  We even took pictures to show the children that we were stepping out.  To find the restaurant easily, we entered the destination on the GPS and were on our way. 

   When we arrived, we found there was very little parking, and we were told to park across the street, or the valet would park the car for us.  Since parking across the street looked like we might have to go around the block to get there, and my husband had difficulty walking due to knee pain, we opted for valet parking.

    The car was parked, and now, all we had to do was find the dining room.  This was not a simple restaurant but a hotel and restaurant combination.  Naturally, we came in the wrong door, and a pleasant hostess had to show us to the dining room.  Because we were early, we spent the time engrossed in our favorite sport, people watching, all the time anticipating the taste of the finely prepared food.  

    Other people arrived and signed in with the hostess.  One couple was dressed casually. He wore shorts and flip flops.  She wore pedal pushers and pushed a stroller with a four-year-old child.

   Oh my, would we have to listen to a belligerent child while we ate? 

    A family of six arrived.  They were also not, as we believed, dressed for the occasion.  In a past life, we would have dressed in this manner to go to the grocery store.  Some of my joy was beginning to ebb.

    When we were all seated, I looked around at the rest of the patrons.  There was only one other couple dressed for this occasion of fine dining, and they looked like they were seventy years plus.  

  The food was to our expectations, and the service was outstanding.  

 

     The bright spot of the day was the four-year-old child.  He sat in his chair, did not scream or make a lot of noise. Amazingly, he used the cracking instrument to break open the king crab legs as he ate them.  This was one family that had spent time with their child and taught him proper manners.  On the way out, I stopped by the table and congratulated the mother on her child’s behavior.

    When we arrived home, we talked about how things have changed and how disappointed we had been.  I suppose our expectations were too high.  We put our good clothes back in the closet because we did not know if we would ever try fine dining again.

Diet Changes Come With Aging

     I had become aware of the difference in the food we are eating compared to that we ate when we were younger.  I thought it was because we changed our diet, but when I sit back and think about it, it may be that our own bodies are responding to the aging process.  

 Food was consumed for enjoyment.

     When we were young, Sunday was a special day, and a big meal was prepared for the family.  Birthdays required a cake, sodas, sandwiches, chips and ice cream.  The holidays, Christmas, 4^th of July, Thanksgiving and Easter, were celebrated with piles of food.  Funerals brought all the relatives together, and everyone gathered at the table laden with food.

     In our forties, food covered the table. The vegetables, potatoes and salad were served in bowls, and the main course appeared on a platter.  After saying grace for all this food, those around the table filled their plates and often refilled them two or three times until all the food was gone.  Dessert: pie, cake, cookies or custard, followed.  There was always room for something sweet.

Self-gratification comes to a halt

     When we reached seventy, all that food still lured us to over indulge. However, when we did so, our bodies rebelled.  We became bloated, had a stomach ache and sometimes suffered for a day or two.  It took us longer to get the body back to working properly.

     Today some of us have arthritis, diabetes, heart problems, gout, brittle bones, etc., and we have learned our consumption of food may be the cause.  The food we have eaten over the years has been stored throughout our bodies, much to its detriment.

     As we aged, we became wiser.  The bowls of food were no longer on the table, and the meal was plated.   That meant the food we were to eat was on the plate, and there was no more on which to gorge.  What we didn’t realize was that we were satisfied with the lesser amount of food.  Our bodies were not urging us to eat anymore, and we did not fall onto the couch after dinner.  The body was saying thank you.

     As the years passed, our bodies became weaker and stiffer, and our movements slowed down, and we became concerned about the food we were eating. Those around us who were overweight wanted to know the fat content of foods.  To stay regular, we heard we needed roughage; just what is roughage, anyway? We seem to be eating less; perhaps we need to supplement with vitamins.  Which foods have the vitamins we need?  We turned to our daughter, a health and life coach, for the answers. http://georgiegrossman.com/…/reviewing-personal-health-plan/

The start of a new lifestyle 

     Her basic instructions were, “Eat fresh fruits and vegetables with a limited amount of meat, exercise daily, drink plenty of water, and continue serving plated meals with measured portions. Do not over eat!” 

    Gordon, who does the grocery shopping, began to view the produce section as a drug store and a fun place to shop.  As a child, his family didn’t eat fruits and vegetables that were out of season and he now enjoys buying and eating these foods all year round.  Berries and fruits are high in Vitamin C. All dark green vegetables are high in Vitamin A, iron and calcium. Yellow and orange vegetables are high in beta-Carotene and are good for the eyes.  As we changed our shopping habits, we became aware of how the food we eat really works in our body.

     The problem for me has been trying to drink eight glasses of water a day. That was a tall order as I used to drinking only minimal amounts.  

     To start each day, I prepare a smoothie; fruit one day and veggie the next.  The Ninja is filled with  veggies or fruits and eight ounces of water and ice.  A few good bursts of the Ninja and Viola! Our healthy day has begun.   

Amazing Results

      In the first two years of this lifetime change, we each lost over twenty pounds without feeling hungry between meals.  We are now taking less over the counter supplements, and our medications have certainly decreased.

     As for our food intake, we eat at home most of the time, and when we do eat out, we order one meal and ask for an extra plate.  We eat anything we want but only in moderation.  Life is good.

Are Your Papers in Order?

     This question is part of aging.  Whoever is asking wants to know if you have provided end of life instructions. Do you have a will?  Where and how are you to be buried?   Who knows of these plans? 

     No one asks a young person under fifty if their papers are in order, but it is a primary question after fifty and even more so if you are over sixty-five.

     When we were young, there was no thought of papers: wills, funeral plans, or living wills.  We grew up in the fifties, and nothing could end our lives.  We were invincible.  Our parents never talked about such things. I suppose they had wills, but it was never talked about.  It was a taboo subject; like, where did babies come from. 

     We did have insurance in case of a car accident.  Each of our children had a small life insurance policy because their great grandfather was an officer in Royal Arcanum, a fraternal benefit society. 

     Fifteen years after we were married, the government sent my husband to a third world country in South America.  Because the family was going with him,  we had wills drawn up and developed a plan for the custody of our children in case we both died in a common accident.  We talked to family members as well as friends to determine who would rear our children.   After much discussion, a couple of friends our own age agreed to take on these duties if necessary.  

     That document remained in place until our children were grown and on their own when it was replaced by a simple one – what’s yours is mine. What’s mine is yours, and the children share equally what is left.

     We were seventy-five when we moved to Georgia, our last move so to speak, and had to get our papers in order again. We needed to write new wills as the North Carolina wills were no longer valid.  The doctors asked if we had a living will, advanced directives, a power of attorney and a designated caregiver.  Next, we had to think about funeral plans.  We had managed the funerals for several older family members and did not want to saddle our children with the problem at the time of our demise.

     Our youngest daughter, the designated caregiver, went with us to the funeral home, and our funeral plans are now on file until needed.   Finally, we worked with an estate planner and set up a revocable family trust, and each child received a copy which should prevent future family squabbles.  At least we hope so.  

     Throughout this process, we talked to each of the children and asked for their input, and they all agreed it was our money and we should do whatever we desired.

     Seven years ago we believed we had all our documents in order, and they were stored in the safety deposit box in a nearby bank. However, over the past few years, technology has drastically changed.  Communication is done by E-mail, twitter, and skype.  Banking is done online, and one can move money from one account to another by pressing a few buttons.  Shopping is done online; bills are paid online.   Everything seems to be online or in the cloud somewhere.

     Our papers may be in order, but now we have to get our numbers in order.  There are usernames, passwords and security questions to remember.  Due to hackers, we are advised to prepare user names and passwords only we should be able to recognize and use. 

 

     My husband handles the finances and is the keeper of all these numbers.  Every six months we sit down at the computer to review this information and find he has changed a few of them or has added new accounts. After every review, a new copy of these numbers is placed with our papers in case our caregivers or I have to take over.

      We have learned living is an ever changing experience, and we have to race to keep up.

Aging Together

                                     I want to grow old with you

      I remember, so well, when this term was bandied about during our dating years.  Little did any of us know what it might entail.  It was a very romantic thing to say, but we never really thought about it as we ran along the road of young love.  Well, here I am growing old with my lifelong partner.  The romance has faded a bit, and I find this growing old together is really hard work.

     When we were young, we did things together just to be together.  Then we worked together to teach and prepare our children for their future.  In the meantime, we supported each other in our personal lives and careers.  This included many adventures moving around the country, flying to faraway lands, paddling canoes, sailing yachts and adjusting to many cultures along the way.  These experiences provided much joy and happiness; however, there were a few scary times which really helped to make the bond stronger.  Through the years, we learned to read each other and understand when one needed support or just needed to be left alone.

     Now, here we are in our golden years.  We are still together and clinging to each other for support.  Sometimes the clinging is too much, or the support may be too little or too encroaching.  Sometimes it is hard to determine what one wants or needs, compared to what is wanted or needed by the other person.  When we get up in the morning, we begin to read the signs for the day.  How quick is the footstep on the way to the bathroom?  How quick is there a “Good morning” and is there eye contact with it?  Is the tone of voice cheery or flat?  Are the eyes bright and alert or almost vacant? 

    These signals mark the tone for the day – fun-filled small adventures or quiet avoidance to prevent confrontation.  Which one of us must give or receive support for the day?

     If the results are positive, we can discuss what we might do together on our little adventures.  We may clean up the back porch, go shopping, try a new food for dinner, or talk about the new book one of us is reading.   

   

     When one of us has a bad day, the job for the other becomes more difficult.  Is this the time to just be available if needed or remind the partner of the things usually done to lift one’s spirits: go shopping, play bridge, poke around in the garden, or go for a walk?

     Heaven help us when we are both having a bad day!!  We just muddle through and hope the next day will be better for one of us.

Life Moves Too Fast

     Life is moving on, and I feel like I am standing still.  There is instant gratification all around me, and I do not believe the rest of the world even stops for a minute to smell the roses or appreciate the world around them.

    Traffic moves at sixty-five miles an hour on four-lane highways.  The news is instantaneous.  Music is continuous.  Communication is available at the flip of a wrist and a touch of a finger.   I can talk to someone and see them at the same time even though they are on the other side of the world. There are fast food restaurants and prepackaged dinners.    Televisions, computers, I-Pads or smartphones bring entertainment into the home or into the car.  Speaking of the car, road maps are no long needed; just flip open the phone or push a button in your car.

    Electronics has everyone moving at a faster and faster pace.  However, as I get older, my brain function seems to go slower.   It takes longer to learn something new and retain it.  That would be fine, but in six months, what I have learned is obsolete, and I have to start all over.

    This phenomenon has slowly crept up on me.  Early in life, I could remember phone numbers, and address with no problem - never carried a notepad.  After I had turned fifty, I wrote them down so I could refer to them.   A few years later, I needed a bit more help.  Instant recall was not so instant.  Before I made a phone call, I wrote a note to myself as to who I was calling and what I wanted to talk about.  Because I was trying to do two or three things at once probably didn’t help, but this crutch did keep me from sounding like a fool when the party answered, and I couldn’t remember who I was calling.

    I keep adding another crutch here and there, and I presume this condition is due to the aging process, but it sure is frustrating.  Sometimes I wish for the good old days when I was comfortable with my surroundings and did not have to scramble to keep up.