Are Your Papers in Order?

     This question is part of aging.  Whoever is asking wants to know if you have provided end of life instructions. Do you have a will?  Where and how are you to be buried?   Who knows of these plans? 

     No one asks a young person under fifty if their papers are in order, but it is a primary question after fifty and even more so if you are over sixty-five.

     When we were young, there was no thought of papers: wills, funeral plans, or living wills.  We grew up in the fifties, and nothing could end our lives.  We were invincible.  Our parents never talked about such things. I suppose they had wills, but it was never talked about.  It was a taboo subject; like, where did babies come from. 

     We did have insurance in case of a car accident.  Each of our children had a small life insurance policy because their great grandfather was an officer in Royal Arcanum, a fraternal benefit society. 

     Fifteen years after we were married, the government sent my husband to a third world country in South America.  Because the family was going with him,  we had wills drawn up and developed a plan for the custody of our children in case we both died in a common accident.  We talked to family members as well as friends to determine who would rear our children.   After much discussion, a couple of friends our own age agreed to take on these duties if necessary.  

     That document remained in place until our children were grown and on their own when it was replaced by a simple one – what’s yours is mine. What’s mine is yours, and the children share equally what is left.

     We were seventy-five when we moved to Georgia, our last move so to speak, and had to get our papers in order again. We needed to write new wills as the North Carolina wills were no longer valid.  The doctors asked if we had a living will, advanced directives, a power of attorney and a designated caregiver.  Next, we had to think about funeral plans.  We had managed the funerals for several older family members and did not want to saddle our children with the problem at the time of our demise.

     Our youngest daughter, the designated caregiver, went with us to the funeral home, and our funeral plans are now on file until needed.   Finally, we worked with an estate planner and set up a revocable family trust, and each child received a copy which should prevent future family squabbles.  At least we hope so.  

     Throughout this process, we talked to each of the children and asked for their input, and they all agreed it was our money and we should do whatever we desired.

     Seven years ago we believed we had all our documents in order, and they were stored in the safety deposit box in a nearby bank. However, over the past few years, technology has drastically changed.  Communication is done by E-mail, twitter, and skype.  Banking is done online, and one can move money from one account to another by pressing a few buttons.  Shopping is done online; bills are paid online.   Everything seems to be online or in the cloud somewhere.

     Our papers may be in order, but now we have to get our numbers in order.  There are usernames, passwords and security questions to remember.  Due to hackers, we are advised to prepare user names and passwords only we should be able to recognize and use. 

 

     My husband handles the finances and is the keeper of all these numbers.  Every six months we sit down at the computer to review this information and find he has changed a few of them or has added new accounts. After every review, a new copy of these numbers is placed with our papers in case our caregivers or I have to take over.

      We have learned living is an ever changing experience, and we have to race to keep up.